It’s what makes me despise it sometimes. It makes you relinquish any control you may have over the most vulnerable traits about yourself… making it the most strongest force in existence. How often does it get confused with lust.. the second most powerful force in existence? Ha! Which even comes first and which second? The wonders that can be done with a single glance, a smirk… of the person that one may find attractive…the undoing of one’s soul… a touch, a kiss… Lust.
I often wonder if I’ve ever loved or have been loved at all… or did I just lust and was lusted after. Was it my heart that was crushed or my pride and self-image, my morals… my self-esteem that had been shattered by the violation that I allowed to fall upon me and the rejection of my… heart? My need to know love?… to be loved… That… you see, even I mistake one for the other.
It’s hard to believe that my heart had been “broken” so many times… yet I run right into the arms of another, each time, not giving time for the last assault to wear off… spreading my legs for the next offender. Was it my heart that was broken? Or was I just embarrassed that I gave another person a part of me that felt so good… one that I should’ve kept sacred because my love is too magical to have thrown back in my face… and they lied to me to get it… and maybe I lied to myself.
I’ve reached to the point where I don’t think I can be hurt anymore by the forces of love… at least not by the strangers that appear in my life and remain strangers even after years of being acquaintances… attractive or not. At least, that is how I feel… which is both relieving and still the most frightening thing to feel.
I’ve met this guy… and he came to me at a very… weird point in my life and it has all been… Perfect… so perfect… too perfect… and I can’t help but think that he will be taken from me whether it be by his doing or my own… Or the universe… God. I cant help but feel that I’m m… that I’m mistaking my lust for him for love… If I am… then…
But he’s right. It would truly be the best mistake I ever make.
It’s our confusion of the two that makes us weak… because I have seen both used as weapons.