I think it goes without saying that procrastination is the spawn or evil or better yet the very thing itself, eating away at your ambition, restricting the potential greatness in us all by planting tiny seeds of self-doubt, negativity, laziness, you name it! I’ve been thinking lately that, this thing usually hits us right when we are about to kick ass at a project that we’ve been anticipating to get started or an assignment/test that you that little demon know that you are going to ace, with a little studying of course.
If you’ve read my recent post, A Day In The Life… Leave Your Expectations At The Door, it’s obvious that I’m still adjusting to being the mom of a one-year-old toddler while working part-time and I’m a full-time English major as well. If it may seem like I’m complaining while other women are juggling much more, you can just hop off because FYI I’m killing it in this game too. (If you’re not a parent, no offense but, don’t judge me.) What’s even more obvious though, is procrastination at it’s best I guess, preventing me from being an, even more, kick-ass parent/individual than I already am. I’m really trying to stay in a positive headspace.
A friend brought it to my attention that a lot of discipline is going to play a big part in kicking this guy to the curb. It’s not like I didn’t know this but you know. Remember when you were a kid/teen and used to suck your teeth on all the times your parents would send you to bed early even though it wasn’t a school night. And remember when they would wake you up before the crack of dawn even on the weekends. ? What about when they used to tell you to pick up a book or send you to some educational camp during the summer and to iron your uniform and sometimes even theirs for school or work every night or all at once on the weekends? I’m sure I can go on and on but you get the jest of it. That was the discipline that they were trying to embed into us. I’m not saying that I’m only realizing this now, but I really am just realizing this only now. My mind was against this for such a long time that I’ve given into bad habits. Instead of allowing those tasks to mold me into a more productive and more ambitious adult, I have given easy access to be possessed by this monster. We’re still talking about procrastination here. Stay with me.
Anyways, last week I started up my blog again, the first time since 2015 and if you haven’t, you should go read those as well. A lot of that is due to my ability of not being able to commit to certain things once I’ve started but come to think of it maybe, just maybe it was our deadly friend that we’re talking about right now. Any which way, that talk is one of an entirely different post or maybe I’ve posted about it before. I’m not sure. So, after posting last week I felt really good about myself and felt a sense of fulfillment. I’ve been wanting to post for a while now, ever since I started my creative writing course this past semester. Also, we are in the final weeks of the semester so there’s been a bunch of final essays and exams to prepare for. I decided that if I wanted to ace these then I most definitely had to sacrifice something. I took off these two weeks of work (I only work on the weekends because of baby and school) so that I could go out to Starbucks or the library for the entire day leaving the baby home with his dad. I eventually decided that I need to shake this thing if I’m going to make the kind of progression that I need.
The first weekend has passed and I must say felt great being able to have some time to myself to dedicate to school work and it sure was productive. It made a difference. When the week started and I realised how much I still have to get done, thoughts of pushing back the deadline I set to have this post up and while I was in my Literature class I realised that nahhhhhhh, I’m already on a roll and there was no way that anything was going to rain on my parade. The next weekend is coming up and I’m hoping it will be even more successful than the previous one.
Being realistic in the midst of all the self-doubt and anxiety, that little period of productivity, mindflow could not have been possible if I was in the same room as my son. At least, not yet and I’m working on that. He requires a lot of attention as do all toddlers, and my instinct is to give it to him each and every time. I can’t ignore him or leave him to play on his own because he isn’t at that stage yet where he doesn’t want to be up under me 24/7. I am so grateful for his father understanding my request for some “time off.” I really needed it. As much as we are believed to be superhumans WE ARE NOT! A lot of people are really good at multi-tasking life especially with a tiny human being depending on you for everything, but there are also those who just can’t and that’s okay. And at some we all need help. If the 10 million things that you are trying to juggle are becoming overwhelming, ask for help. Pride can also hold us back from our full potential but, it’s okay to show a little vulnerability sometimes because we are only human. There are a lot of people who I still won’t ever ask for shit but you get where I’m coming from right? Great.
Anyways, guys, there’s a pep in my step and I hope and pray that I keep it up because I really like the feelings that are associated accomplishing a task. Knowing that I can be a mommy and still do my own thing without feeling like I’m going to fall to pieces or like I’m failing, is very reassuring. It’s going to take a lot of discipline and help but steps are being taken to rectify all the wasted time I guess. No more letting this little demon deter me from the things that I have set out to accomplish. And remember, if you multitasking isn’t your thing or you’ve tried and it doesn’t work out for you then, take your time and do that shit one by one. Just make sure that you get it done because the feeling alone after you’ve completed it is so rewarding. You’ve gotten enough of my life procrastination and now, I’m taking it back.
Toodles for now! 🙂
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